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Does Marriage Counseling Function? Answer These three Questions Just before You Call a Counselor

July 11, 2011 | Author: | Posted in Health & Fitness

That depends on you as a couple and how open and honest you are willing to be about what is truly going on in your marriage. So before you go to make that call to a couple’s counselor, each of you needs to answer these questions.

1. On a scale of 1 to 10, how nicely do we communicate with each and every other?

If you’re being truthful your answer is likely going to be a really low number. Couples who communicate nicely rarely need outside help or have marital difficulties that can’t be resolved among the two of them. Couples with poor communication skills frequently have trouble verbalizing what they are really feeling. They will fight about points that are inconsequential since they are frustrated about one thing else that they either can’t simply identify or can’t or won’t communicate to their spouse. If you are not willing or able to communicate successfully, then asking the question, “Does marriage counseling function?” is going to have the answer of “Possibly, but it will take a very lengthy time.”

So just before you call a marriage counselor and if you are willing to do the work your self, attempt this. Have each and every person write down 3 to five issues that they truly want from their partner that they do not feel they’re getting. Take a day or two or even a week if you want it to aid you have to time to contemplate and identify exactly where you are having difficulties in your marriage.

two. What is my core complaint?

If you identify sex, it’s most likely that you simply want your partner to spend much more time with you. It’s that you want them to be in the moment with you when you’re making adore rather than performing it out of obligation, to satisfy a physical need or, possibly, not having sex with you at all. You want to really feel loved, cherished, and desired. As a result you must communicate to your spouse specifically what they require to do to make you feel that way.

Did you write down cash? Once more, that goes to communication. You require to sit down together and produce a reasonable spending budget and function toward sticking to it to meet your financial goals and obligations. Cash problems usually arise because 1 person is spending too much funds and the other partner isn’t communicating why they can’t invest as a lot. They’ll just say, “Don’t buy anything else. We can’t afford it,” rather than saying, “We need to control our spending. We have $5,000 worth of bills and only $4,000 in the bank. We want to figure out exactly where we can cut back and get the rest of the funds.”

If you produce a budget together then you both can realize the needs for limitations and reductions of your expenditures.

Did you write parenting? Hopefully you discussed your parenting philosophy before you had children, but if you didn’t, it’s not too late to begin. Again, this will need communication and possibly compromise if you have various views on how your children should be raised.

If you can get to your core complaint and work on it, then to the question of “Does marriage counseling work?” the answer will be “Yes, it can.” But if you’ve already identified the problem and are working on it, do you truly require outside counseling?

3. What do we fight about?

If what you’re fighting about is one thing mundane, step back just before you say something in anger and ask your self, “Will I actually care about this next week or subsequent year? If you do this, you can probably stay away from a lot of silly fights. When you fight over minor points, frequently what you’re really asking is, “Why don’t you respect me enough to assist me?” If you had been to ask that question rather than complaining about something of small significance, probabilities are your spouse would appear at the situation in an entirely different light.

Will marriage counseling function? It is up to you to choose how open and honest your can be with each other just before you make that call to a counselor or deciding if counseling is even essential.

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